Being in a community shows you (as all relationships do) where your yuckiness is. Lately I have realized how bad I am at sharing. They always tell you in elementary school and even younger to "share," I used to be a a lot better at it than I am now. Living alone I get so used to everything being mine. My bed, my fridge, my, my, my…At Esalen suddenly I had 30 roommates (still fewer than in the sorority house) and one room!? People were constantly laying on my sleeping bag and pillow, using some of my things, and even sharing my water bottle.
My initial reaction to large group sharing usually involves a squirm and akward face (nothing out of the ordinary) only usually no one notices. The other night at dinner with two of my favorite gals they suggested we share a few entrees. This time they caught my shiftiness. Let's face it, I don't like sharing...Especially when it comes to dessert. I like boundaries and knowing how much is mine and how much someone else’s. Where I begin and someone else ends. That isn’t life. The lines aren’t always clear cut, even with food and definitely not with dessert as is the case with ice cream.
So, I’m learning to be open to family-style dining and at the same time learning to share and be willing to let go of some of my clear cut boundaries. Not all of them…just the ones that involve food. (Although this doesn't apply to romantic relationships for me still.) I wouldn’t consider myself selfish, but in a community like the one I have I don’t think of others as often as I could. Through them I see that sharing really is caring; I might even consider roommates again. That's crazy talk!
Today I'm grateful for Sam, Jamie, and my own apartment.