Sometimes I am so indecisive that I weigh every option, and then feel completely overwhelmed by doing anything at all. I annoy myself when I am in this mode and have learned that is when I tap into something larger than myself to make a decision. It’s as if I don’t trust my own instinct or fantasizing too much all the things that could go wrong.
Everything I have described is some what textbook for someone with a Mars square Neptune in the natal chart like I do. The only square in my chart, not to brag, okay maybe a little…
In astrology, the force of will or impulse to live is ruled by Mars. It gives us motivation (or lack of in my case) and energy/ambition to accomplish our goals. When Mars meets Neptune these desires can become confused by the nebulousness that is Neptune. Neptune rules fantasy, illusion, and also our experience of unity with all things without boundaries. These two planets together have myriad ways it may show up in a chart, below are some of the elevated and detrimental expressions:
• Anxiety and overwhelm about taking action
• Chronic exhaustion
• Washed out anger/conflict avoidant
• Projection animus (women) or masculinity
• Feeling attacked or weak immune system
• Spiritual warrior
• Divinely guided action
• Sacred sexuality
• Exercise focused on life force such as Tai Chi/yoga
• Inspired cooperation
• Sense of purpose/fulfillment
• Intuitive action
Anyone who knows me knows I am obsessed with muscle testing, or applied kinesiology, as it helps me get out of my heady indecision and utilize a greater intelligence. In a way, muscle testing is my favorite form of divination.
Divination comes from Latin divinare meaning “to be inspired by a God.” There are many forms of divination used for fortune telling (e.g. palmistry, tarot, runes, consulting a psychic etc.), though for me divination is more about just knowing which action to take in a moment that supports my highest evolutionary potential. When I attempt to make decisions from my human/thinking perspective the confusion takes over and I don’t know which way to go.
Perhaps the best part of my Mars-Neptune square is a fear of not living on purpose and allowing my own ego to overshadow divine will. I muscle test because I want to stay on track with where my soul is guiding me. The things that come up strong for me in muscle testing aren’t necessarily positive, they are the things that carry me forward on my path, sometimes with painful lessons. My wishy-washiness shows up as my not trusting myself and that comes with a lot of judgment around my confusion, but often it is right before my intuition kicks in and my inspiration returns.
Mostly I’ve realized my life flows more when I sit back and rest before leaping into momentum (tough for an Aries moon). When I wait for divine will instead of pushing myself into action and becoming overwhelmed. It has taken me a while to realize my mode of productivity isn't based on getting more done, but often less...and I have my only chart square to thank.